Mr LonelyNoMore
by SnowyWolfe
Summary: Sasuke has his work cut out for him. He has nightmares of him having a teenage daughter, and his love life is as dry as his attempts to know how to tell a joke. But, Ino is determined to help him with that, the love life anyway.


Sasuke has his work cut out for him. He has nightmares of him having a teenage daughter, and his love life is as dry as his attempts to know how to tell a joke. But, Ino is determined to help him with that, the love life anyway.

"_okay, um…you know Tutso, right?" A girl with golden hair that had all kinds of colored streaks said facing Sasuke. Sasuke looked at the "punk" with his hair half cut and wearing too much leather. _

"_Let's say I do why?" Sasuke asked. The girl smiled and turned to the boy and said_

"_At least he's not a pain today, ha ha right?" Sasuke froze, the boy studied him. Why were they outside? It's too hot. The girl looked concerned but shrugged it off._

"_He awl right." The boy said coolly with his back to the garage. Sasuke couldn't stop staring at his many piercings and tattoos, leather socks too Sasuke assumed he couldn't see them because of the leather boots and pants. The jacket and shirt? Leather. The choker and his ear piercing? LEATHER. _

"_Daddy, you promised to give us a ride because you don't want me riding his motorcycle and you wanna see where were going. So hurry, and don't wear that or try to introduce yourself to my friends, that so uncool." The no more that 16 year old girl said._

"_Hey, at least he didn't correct my grammar right?" She said trying to at least be sort of to be funny. _

"_D-daddy? I'm sorry, I'm not your dad." Sasuke informed her._

"_Very funny, is this your 'pretend I'm not your dad I want to talk to you as a friend now.'?" She asked careful not to upset him and ruin the chances of her rendezvous with the rebel. _

"_Uh…what?" Sasuke said too confused to even notice the boy furiously looking at him._

"_Oi, just screw it. Come over to my place I'll drive us. Uriu will have a fuckin' fit if we're late." The boy said angrily seething dangerous curses and threats under his breath. _

"_Yeah, do what Tonso said. That sounds good." Sasuke said now realizing the boy's definite anger. The girl looked at him with total disbelief. She stood on her tippy toes and felt his forehead. Just then he figured out the girl was a bit short. Not midget short but not tall enough for her age. And her hair didn't even come past the 3/4__th__ way of her ears. She wore heavy make-up but, had a soft voice. _

_The boy grabbed her arm forcefully and Sasuke was not in the mood nor in his right mind apparently to play hero. Ap__**parent**__ly…Sasuke Uchiha, a father…hm. _

"_I thought I had no girl in my life." He muttered turning on his heel and pushing his hands into his pockets. _

"_Let GO of me, I need to stay with my dad maybe he's sick!" He heard the girl scream. He made a deep groan…please no. _

"_Walk this damn way or you can forget me asking you out again!" The boy said hotly. _

_She yelled Dad and a burst of urge made Sasuke run to her, her father or not. _

"_She said she wants her dad." Sasuke said as tough as possible. She managed to get free and clung to Sasuke. _

"_Look old man, I don't care if she cried rape you don't EVER get involved in my converse." The boy said even more pissed than before, he looked as if he was going to attack Sasuke._

"_O-old man? I'm 23 years old not capable of being…old." Sasuke said utterly in incredulity._

"_Dad? Dad…your 41 not 23. See Tutso we HAVE to get him to a hospital." She told her boyfriend._

"_Yeah, your right." The boy said in another voice. Sasuke's eyes popped open._

"AAAHHH!! Go—what the? A dream. Why didn't I think it was a dream I mean honestly. Me have a 16 year old? Can babies even get that old? Never mind that—a girl? I'm going to have boys and that's final." Sasuke said aloud indefinitely.

"Ha, and your worried about kids. Get a girlfriend first." Naruto said.

"Which is why we are taking you to Club Sleazy to get a nice decent girl…'s sister." Kiba said rethinking what he said first.

"R-r-right. Let's go now its 8 near 9. Can you hold up first so I can get dressed?" Sasuke smiled. Kiba and Naruto looked at each other then pulled off Sasuke's pants.

"Dude! You're already dressed!! You fell asleep waiting for dumbass!" Naruto reinforced. It all came flooding back to Sasuke.

"Let's get chicks." Sasuke smirked.

"You always do, that's no problem, easy for you to say, tch, that Uchiha charm always works, you're one to be—"Kiba said saying the same thing over and over again in different ways.

"Shut the fuck up, baka what do you mean?" Sasuke said getting pissed and pulling him by his collar. Wanting a clear cut meaning not a dick-around-the-corner shit 12 year old boy meaning.

"Nuttin' but, you always sleep with a different chick or chicks each night but you never wanna settle s'all." Kiba said in a incoherent Boston accent. Sasuke was going to say something in his own defense about wanting to settle.

"Stop, just stop. Both of you—and asswipe didn't I tell you lose the fuckin' accent all fucking ready?" Naruto said in a Brooklyn accent. But at least his sounded authentic. Sasuke set Kiba down and a head ache that Kiba claimed was Karma followed right after.

But not without Sasuke telling Naruto to stuff the accent where it belongs in his ass like the fag he was.

"Fuck off asshole, we got ladies to bed. And get dicky here some pussy." Kiba said lightly tapping Sasuke's…thing. But, this time in his normal voice.

"Time to jet, bitches." Naruto exclaimed with high enthusiasm.

Club Sleazy:

Before Sasuke could even enter girls begged to get into his pants and the owner just like when Sasuke goes to a club finds him the best seat in the house and plays only to top songs. And the girls were suppose to duke it out for who gets him in the back, but today the gleam in Sasuke's blood black eyes made them fight before they even could get in.

"His eyes are like the darkest ink and water." A girl cooed.

"Hey big boy." An older lady with pollute-colored green eyes said. Her hair looked worn on the edges and roots but was bleached a tinted pathetic wheat color.

"Mmm…let me guess your age—22." Sasuke lied into her neck with husk and sex as his tone of voice.

"Mmm…close." The old woman lied, though prosthetics were good this lady was still old as the SAT's.

"Ahhh…fuck." Sasuke moaned in her ear with a hint of whine.

"Do you really want to know my age?" The old woman probed. Sasuke went behind her, he expected her to lie and if he had enough daiquiris with extra vodka he'd believe her. Sasuke nodded in her neck.

"67. Almost 68." The lady smiled. Sasuke choked. And Kiba and Naruto who were taking notes before were now laughing their asses off.

"Cougar, Cougar, throw me a bone! Throw me a bone a boner; at least I won't be like Sasuke the lone-r! A-HAHAH!!" Kiba and Naruto sang cruelly as Sasuke stormed off inside. They flashed their ' to the man at the door and ran in after him.

3 more Cougars somehow all older than the next came to Sasuke and he fell for it every time.

At His Job the next Day:

"Dammit, Damn those Cougars, damn my loneliness, damn 'no vodka after 10' policy, damn Bitch and Fuck-face." Sasuke swore referring to Naruto and Kiba, Naruto as Bitch and Kiba as Fuck-face.

He felt tender and slim hands cover his back in a short quick massage. He accidentally moaned, he cleared his throat and turned to face the person.

"Ino." Sasuke said. Ino smiled brightly she didn't even hear what he said earlier she just likes to do that to him. She had an apron on with minimal dirt but the skimpy small white dress she had on wasn't longer. She had purple converse and a purple ribbon to keep her hair up with. White flower earrings and bracelet and necklace.

"Hey." Ino chuckled softly with a smile that reminded him of sunshine, he tried not to smile too much but couldn't help it.

"You look great." He smiled trying even harder not to stare at the large breasts in front of him. Ino was no slut or anything close to that but she did like to wear small clothes.

"Thank-you, the ANBU: Interrogation and Torture section wants to thank you for your help, with the very generous donation of $700 million or something like that." Ino smiled.

Sasuke was rich, would be the biggest understatement besides he was proud and haughty, arrogant, big headed, big hearted, kind, fun, sexy, loves to lick things (preferably women and popsicles), loves to spend, has a big open spot just for Ino because she sends flowers and texts him and her other friends every day to see how their doing in their lives if they're okay or need any thing, and he's a lonely guy. Other than that—the BIGGEST understatement.

"No problem what so ever." Sasuke smiled. Ino pecked his lips as an additional thank-you.

"Ibiki insists—since your single and I'm single that we go on a date, on him." Ino smiled nervously.

"I wouldn't love anything more." Sasuke smiled.

Ino knew nothing about him at clubs or how he acts around Kiba and Naruto. To her, he was her future husband unless someone else rolled around. But, she didn't have her heart set on it like another Yamanaka she was related to.

Dinner:

Ino and Sasuke went grocery shopping for what they wanted for dinner.

Grocery shop:

"Ha, ha, ha, Sasuke please you'll bump me into something." Ino giggled as Sasuke put her into the cart. Her laughter warmed his heart beyond words and heated his whole body softly.

"Nope, I'll be safe and gentle." Sasuke promised.

"What if a parent saw me? I'll be so embarrassed!" Ino cried blushing deeply already.

"Let them," Was Sasuke's smirk-filled cocky answer. Ino reluctantly agreed even though she put a pillow to hide her face. But soon got comfortable enough to set it down.

"*gasp!* Let's have a sleepover! After our date! I'll text everyone." Ino smiled hugely she really sounded like she was asking.

"Only if it'll make you happy. I'll get food." Sasuke said putting salsa and chips in.

"I want guacamole. If its okay." Ino smiled. Sasuke cringed.

"Mmm…okay." He mumbled kissing her forehead a huge smile was on her face. Her eyes resembled pools of the ocean some parts dark and some parts light.

"Spaghetti." Ino smiled then added a soft please.

"Right, who wants Mac and Cheese on a date?" Sasuke said smiling.

"Meatballs and parmesan." They said at the same time. They agreed on the rest of the things from then on the type of French bread, the whine, the songs, the perfume just in case, the type of candy and lastly cream and strawberry.

Making Dinner:

Sasuke splashed water in Ino's face. Ino giggled.

"Oops, sorry." Sasuke said laughing at Ino's pleasant expression.

"Wha—ohh…silly. I don't wear make up. But a little mascara won't hurt any one…hopefully." Ino smiled. She's so natural was going through Sasuke's mind.

They poured the big bottle of oil in the pot together first as they heated it. Ino had a kitchen apron instead of gardening this time. She couldn't get Sasuke to though, she insisted that the apron would look cute, still he looked nice, with a white button up shirt with diamond cuffs which overall looked expensive, an black as night tie that screamed sexy because he unbuttoned 3 buttons because of the kitchen heat. He wore black pants and sneakers that still looked somehow even more expensive. The cologne a rare sweet smelling yet manly type smell that made Ino a bit aroused if she stood too close or looked too long. Ino wore a purple dress that was very short with high heels and pretty expensive jewelry. The way they flirted set the date from one to ten 12.

Ino poured the tomato sauce in; getting a bit on her finger, Sasuke took care of it by licking it slowly savoring each lick. Ino giggled and said it tickles. She then realized the idea that it gave Sasuke as he lively tickled the giggles out of Ino who was not bubbly but really gentle. When Ino cried 'Uncle, mercy!' was when Sasuke stopped.

Ino took her spices seriously not too much parsley, too much zing will kill the fun of eating it, and too much spiciness burns flavor out of her mouth. Sasuke teased her about it and to add on he got close.

"Afraid of a little hotness in your mouth?" Sasuke asked in her ear in a whisper that begged to be less sexy because then it wouldn't be a whisper anymore. Ino was really aroused now and Sasuke could tell. But it was too early in their new-found relationship to bring it up to those terms.

And Ino had to control the situation and her body, because that's just the way she is.

"I do." She moaned in his ear with lust. Sasuke felt the urge to carry her to the "circle" where the red and purple candles were, but, he couldn't lose her too quickly but just sexing her up.

Ino then unexpectedly flung some tomato sauce at his face, he wiped it off with his thumb and calmly told her it was hot. The Spaghetti and soup were done at about the same time.

DINNER:

"Hahaha! That's funny so this girl thinks you're her father?" Ino laughed.

"Yeah…" Sasuke confessed. Ino hugged him and smiled.

"Fun, fun, fun, to have a girl." She laughed.

Sasuke trailed in speech and told her no and frowned.

"I want a manly straight as an arrow son." Sasuke said unafraid of the look on her face.

"Well…okay. I guess I can survive." Ino smiled.

Sasuke looked up into the ceiling and made a short detailed thank you prayer.

Ino popped a rolled spaghetti into Sasuke's mouth. And he fed her creamed strawberry just for sweetness. From then for the next ten minutes they fed themselves. Sasuke laid down finishing before her and rubbed his stomach and complemented the dinner. Ino turned off the lights in his condo making it look smaller than it actually was. She spread his legs and crawled on top to kiss him putting her legs in between his. She began to rub all over him dipping her hands into his pants—

DING DONG!! DING! DING! DING! DONG! DING! DING! DONG! DONG! DING! DONG! DING!! DING!! DONG!!!

"Naruto…" Sasuke seethed. It was Naruto and Kiba…early.

"Okay, I have to tell the truth, um…the reason I did all the rubbing is because I heard them and wanted to see your face when they came." Ino laughed.

"You're diabolical." Sasuke chirped kissing her forehead softly.

**

Sasuke remembered nostalgically what it was like before all this…

_Don't Trust Me_

_Black dress with the tights underneath,__  
__I got the breath of the last cigarette on my teeth,__  
__And shes an actress (actress),__  
__But she ain't got no need.__  
__Shes got money from her parents in a trust fund back east._

_Sasuke sighed, another hit. Club Zuko was just one of the 3 other clubs that he founded upon and was excessively popular. Yet, so completely in vain. He swore under his breath at all the whores who came to him before he could even down his drink. This club, like the others was a pain in the ass it never brought him anyone special. Just men and sluts. _

"_Oi, Uchi-kun!" Shikamaru mocked, as Naruto and Ino blushed. _

"_These, two." Shikamaru started by catching them as they attempted to run._

"_Has been fighting over you the whole way here." Shikamaru said. Sasuke gave a fake smirk to them. But, pretty realistic. It wasn't that Naruto had a crush, he just felt that Sasuke was more friends with him than with Ino. But, Ino begged to differ. Even though Sasuke really did spend more time with Naruto._

"_Un-fucking-believable." Temari said laughing at the two, kindly though._

_Sasuke couldn't help it anymore he held his head the head ache the 9 old Konoha genins gave him._

_And that song…ugh…how attention wanting can you get? _

Sasuke was about to smile until Naruto ruined it with.

"Wow, this is so gay…" Naruto said downing his third drink.

Then the door bell rang 8 more times and he felt better as 10 more people joined the party, all holding sleeping bags.

Sleep Over:

"Heh, heh, so Mr. Lonely spill it, why is this place all romantic?" Sakura teased poking him in the side.

"Because my little "sister" it just is." Sasuke teased back putting his forehead on hers. Sakura blushed, and felt a bit uncomfortable at him calling her "little sister". Ino felt a small ping of jealousy and shook it away.

"Ohhh…gggg…grr, when is this sleepover gonna start?" Kiba asked trying for the 4th time to get his arm around Hinata.

"It already started. And it's going to not 'gonna' dumba—not smart one." Sasuke said refraining from cussing around Ino. Kiba caught that he didn't swear at him, but not because of Ino. So he decided to let it go if Sasuke was in a good mood.

"Right. And that's why we're listening to what is this? Classical Romance?" Kiba said defying all signs Sasuke gave for him to drop it.

"Sausu-ke-kun." Sakura said a little buzzed clinging to his arm. Ino feigned a fake smile to not draw attention to herself when Sasuke looked at her. He smiled back genuinely and thought it would be a good idea to carry Sakura to the couch.

"Nooo…fine. Sleep next to me then this couch is so spacious!" Sakura said before pulling Sasuke down on top of her. Ino stood up to that, then made it seem as if she was trying to help.

"Sakura, your gonna hurt yourself that way, for all you know Sasuke might be heavy." Ino said with half concern.

"Aww…baby, see I can handle myself and Sasuke." Sakura cooed nicely smiling at Ino. Ino knew it would take a while before she'd catch on to anything any time soon.

"I insist Sakura, I invited you here, please don't get hurt on my behalf, if I can do something, I might as well do it instead of wishing I had." Ino pursued. Sakura reluctantly gently pushed Sasuke off.

"I'm sorry Ino-chan, I love how much you care." Sakura smiled.

"What? No! Please, don't be sorry. Not at all! It's just that you're a bit buzzed and if you move the wrong way—" Ino smiled.

"Right, right." Sakura agreed nodding her head.

"Well, okay. This proves useless. I'm going to bed." Kiba said.

"We all should, we can play all day tomorrow." Temari stated handing Gaara his PJ's from her bag. Tenten smiled and offered to help Gaara put it on. Gaara looked at her confused yet gentle and smiled.

"No, thank you." He said. Tenten blinked and then blushed fervently.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant—"Tenten started.

"No, No, please do it Tenten, I don't even think he's had a girlfriend in weeks!" Temari said pushing them into a random room.

"They won't be out of there for a while." Kiba said softly as he drifted into sleep. Sasuke told everyone where they could sleep, but they all chose the living room. Ino didn't, she wanting her own room if it was okay with Sasuke. Sasuke led her into the room where they could both sleep for the night.

"_Dad, Dad, are you __sure__ you're okay, you know 'cuz I can miss this thing." The girl said touching Sasuke's forehead again._

"_Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just so hot out." Sasuke said a bit dazed and tired in his sleep. The girl turned to the boy and nodded and then left._

"_Bye Dad, see you later!" She waved as she hung on to the fast walking boy. _

"_W-wait!" Sasuke cried he then wished he had shut up by the boy's far away glare. The girl turned for one second then was jerked back around._

"_U-um, I can give you two a ride if, if you want!" Sasuke shouted running after them._

"_Why?" The teens said simultaneously one really confused and one really beyond having it up to here with Sasuke._

"_Because motorcycles are dangerous! Hey, and how'd you afford and get a motorcycle you don't look 18 ½." Sasuke said trying to talk with the boy._

"_Look, man." The boy said angrily as he literally ran up, Sasuke felt a wave of frightenfulness surge over him. He was lifted off the ground by his jacket._

"_I do things to get what I get and it's my uncles back and that's all you need to know. Anyone asks tell them what I told you. You try and lie and say you don't know for sure…hm, I wouldn't want to be you." The boy hissed before the girl soothed him off of Sasuke. _

"_Let's go, come on." The girl urged._

"_Ask your mother first." Sasuke said_

"_But, you already said "yes" leave it be Dad!" The girl screamed. The boy walked off and she ran to him holding tightly to the boy's arm whispering in his ear and turning to look at Sasuke._

"_Listen up—ogre! I refuse to let you take her anywhere!" Sasuke yelled. The boy stopped the girl trying and begging for him to move forward and forget what he said. The boy ran up to Sasuke charging. _

"_Let's go look, come on, let's go!!" The boy said in another voice._

"N-Naruto?" Sasuke cried shielding his eyes from the flashlight.

"Panty hunting_, let's go_." Naruto repeated, as Kiba lifted Sasuke out of the couch.

"Why are you on the couch?" Naruto wondered.

"I was too tempted to do something to Ino, in the bed so I got up and moved over here it was only like 6 steps away." Sasuke explained.

"Why?" Naruto asked again, Sasuke wanted to slap him and hissed a repetition of what he had said before.

"Because, dumbass, I was too tempted—"

"No, no, why didn't you want to do it to her?" Naruto elaborated.

"Because, it's too early. I want her to be my girlfriend I like her a lot." Sasuke confessed.

"Hmm. Okay no problem. Now, since Ino wears skimpy stuff we don't need to lift up her nighties." Kiba said.

"DON'T TOUCH HER YOU SICKO! AND SHE DOESN'T WEAR SKIMPY CLOTHING!!" Sasuke bursted out. Kiba eased off hands waving in his defense. They all stared Ino. Who was awake.

"Skimpy?" She asked tear eyed.

"No…" Kiba trailed following her out of the room. Trying to hold her hand. He hugged her and Sasuke felt a ping of jealousy.

He needed Ino's help he's been having those dreams again.

_Damn… _he though in his head.

A/N: How'd you like it so far, good? Don't forget—review!!


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